0:00:10.04 - 0:00:11.33[ominous music plays]
0:00:18.92 - 0:00:22.38[sighs] Okay. Dad and evil boss In jail.
0:00:22.46 - 0:00:23.67Reality restored.
0:00:23.75 - 0:00:25.58Zero hours of sleep.
0:00:25.67 - 0:00:29.13Ow, God! And a new
catastrophic workplace injury.
0:00:29.21 - 0:00:31.92Thanks, J.R. God, I hate this fucking--
0:00:32.00 - 0:00:33.00[elevator dings]
0:00:33.08 - 0:00:35.29-[cheering]
-[Gigi] Yes!
0:00:35.38 - 0:00:37.21Welcome back, Boss Friend Forever!
0:00:37.71 - 0:00:39.42Brett, did you do all this?
0:00:39.50 - 0:00:41.83No, dog. They did it on their own.
0:00:41.92 - 0:00:44.08Who'd have thought the best timeline
was this one?
0:00:45.25 - 0:00:47.67[cheering]
0:00:48.25 - 0:00:49.54[Mothman] Thank you, Reagan.
0:00:49.63 - 0:00:51.08You rescued me from a timeline
0:00:51.17 - 0:00:53.63where a teleporter
turned me into Jeff Goldblum.
0:00:53.71 - 0:00:57.17I was trapped in a dystopia
where Kennedy never got shot.
0:00:57.25 - 0:01:00.21It was awful.
He ended up killing millions.
0:01:00.29 - 0:01:01.83And we had three faces!
0:01:01.92 - 0:01:03.96It was unnatural.
0:01:04.04 - 0:01:06.96We're just glad we don't
have to listen to these guys anymore.
0:01:07.04 - 0:01:09.79Are these jumpsuits made
out of fucking polyester?
0:01:09.88 - 0:01:11.29I already have crotch rash!
0:01:11.38 - 0:01:13.25Will you stop manhandling your crotch?
0:01:13.33 - 0:01:16.63Oh! Like I didn't live all four years
in our college dorm
0:01:16.71 - 0:01:20.04listening to your abusive relationship
with your right hand!
0:01:20.71 - 0:01:23.42[guard] Hey, you two!
Save the shanking for the Death Arena!
0:01:23.50 - 0:01:26.38-Oh, yeah, the Death Arena.
-I hate that fucking arena.
0:01:27.25 - 0:01:28.46You earned this.
0:01:28.54 - 0:01:30.92You led Cognito through a gauntlet.
0:01:31.00 - 0:01:32.92And saved all these POWs.
0:01:33.00 - 0:01:36.50[Myc] "Prisoners of warped realities."
Glenn coined that one.
0:01:36.58 - 0:01:37.79I'm a wordsmith!
0:01:37.88 - 0:01:40.00I don't know what to say, guys.
0:01:40.08 - 0:01:41.96It's your moment, pal. Enjoy it.
0:01:42.04 - 0:01:43.54-Well, I--
-[cell phone buzzes]
0:01:45.04 - 0:01:46.33[bell tolls]
0:01:46.42 - 0:01:48.25[air horns blare]
0:01:48.83 - 0:01:53.08Time for our first totally normal day
with zero crazy personal drama.
0:01:53.17 - 0:01:56.08See? She's so relaxed,
she's completely frozen.
0:01:56.17 - 0:01:59.04Right, Reagan? Right? Right? Reagan?
0:01:59.13 - 0:02:00.67-Reagan?
-[all] Yeah!
0:02:00.75 - 0:02:03.54Aw, I love how weird she is.
0:02:03.63 - 0:02:05.46[upbeat music plays]
0:02:27.54 - 0:02:30.79Reagan Ridley,
on behalf of the Illuminati,
0:02:30.88 - 0:02:33.83I wish to thank you for doing
what I never could.
0:02:33.92 - 0:02:35.58Destroying your father.
0:02:35.67 - 0:02:38.17Thank you, but he destroyed himself.
0:02:38.25 - 0:02:40.21Although he did team up with whiskey.
0:02:40.29 - 0:02:44.42Please accept this
as a small, humble token of our thanks.
0:02:45.25 - 0:02:46.92-[Myc] Wow!
-[Gigi] A little over-the-top.
0:02:47.00 - 0:02:48.71I don't hate this.
0:02:48.79 - 0:02:50.08[rock music plays]
0:02:50.17 - 0:02:53.54I talked to God,
and He's gonna send you to VIP heaven.
0:02:53.63 - 0:02:56.71You're not going to shitty heaven
with the regular people.
0:02:56.79 - 0:02:58.83You saved the world for real, ninjette!
0:02:58.92 - 0:03:01.88[in alien language]
Please accept this gift basket.
0:03:02.46 - 0:03:03.29[Glenn] Ugh!
0:03:03.38 - 0:03:06.79[in English] I've seen enough anime
to know which holes these go in!
0:03:06.88 - 0:03:09.29We expect great things, Reagan.
0:03:09.38 - 0:03:10.21[all] Cognito!
0:03:11.33 - 0:03:15.33Whoa, the entire global conspiracy
just got behind you!
0:03:15.42 - 0:03:17.58The weight of the world
is on your shoulders.
0:03:17.67 - 0:03:20.46[Myc] Finally, a reason
for you to have shitty posture.
0:03:21.58 - 0:03:25.83Guys, I appreciate all of this,
but we still have a cover-up to focus on.
0:03:25.92 - 0:03:28.67There's still some leftover anomalies
that need to be contained.
0:03:29.67 - 0:03:33.58The damage to our timeline has
caused a number of minor inconsistencies.
0:03:33.67 - 0:03:34.96Plot holes, if you will.
0:03:35.04 - 0:03:38.58Oh, of course,
like how some celebrities are reptoids
0:03:38.67 - 0:03:40.54and others are randomly Illuminati.
0:03:40.63 - 0:03:42.67It's like Illuminati stuff came later!
0:03:42.75 - 0:03:45.46[Myc] Or like how I used to say
I wasn't an alien,
0:03:45.54 - 0:03:49.21and then you guys found out
my species arrived on an asteroid.
0:03:49.29 - 0:03:52.75Exactly. These plot holes
were all caused by the machine.
0:03:52.83 - 0:03:54.63-[Myc] Very satisfying.
-Future stuff too!
0:03:54.71 - 0:03:57.13But the major anomalies
are still causing chaos.
0:03:57.21 - 0:03:59.83Like here. A warehouse
full of Berenstain Bears books
0:03:59.92 - 0:04:03.46where their names are spelled wrong.
Also, their genitals are showing.
0:04:03.54 - 0:04:06.00[laughs] Papa Bear is packin'.
0:04:06.08 - 0:04:08.71We have six hours
before the changes become permanent.
0:04:08.79 - 0:04:12.21We need to isolate and contain
every plot hole from this past season.
0:04:12.29 - 0:04:14.04Of summer. The season of summer.
0:04:14.13 - 0:04:15.92Hey, Brett, sidebar?
0:04:16.63 - 0:04:17.96[Brett] "We need to talk."
0:04:18.04 - 0:04:18.88[sighs]
0:04:18.96 - 0:04:21.83Dang! That always means
breakups or cancer.
0:04:21.92 - 0:04:23.08Maybe it's just cancer.
0:04:23.17 - 0:04:24.75I need some time to figure this out.
0:04:24.83 - 0:04:26.63Do you think you could run things
for the day?
0:04:26.71 - 0:04:29.58Me? In charge of a whole workforce,
like Santa?
0:04:29.67 - 0:04:32.79Come on! You're not the same Brett
you were when you started here!
0:04:32.88 - 0:04:34.50You can handle this.
0:04:35.42 - 0:04:38.25Just remember, being a boss
means making tough decisions.
0:04:38.33 - 0:04:41.08-Sometimes you have to kill your babies.
-I resent that!
0:04:41.17 - 0:04:42.88[both] It's a figure of speech!
0:04:42.96 - 0:04:44.58Fucking Steve!
0:04:44.67 - 0:04:47.50Uh, Brett is in charge for the day,
0:04:47.58 - 0:04:50.46and I want you to give him
the same respect that you've given me
0:04:50.54 - 0:04:52.04starting roughly this morning.
0:04:53.04 - 0:04:55.00All right, team. Let's get out there and--
0:04:55.08 - 0:04:56.42Hey! Where's everybody going?
0:04:56.50 - 0:04:58.33This just turned into a snow day.
0:04:58.42 - 0:05:01.13Except for the 0% body fat,
you're a big softie.
0:05:01.92 - 0:05:06.04Oh, yeah? Would a big softie
vaporize his favorite movie anomaly?
0:05:06.13 - 0:05:07.33[dramatic music plays]
0:05:07.42 - 0:05:09.38-Damn!
-He killed his baby!
0:05:09.46 - 0:05:10.29Shooting!
0:05:10.38 - 0:05:14.75That's right, there's a new sheriff
in town. "Sheriff Boss"!
0:05:18.75 - 0:05:21.63[Myc] I'm sticking around
to see how dumb this gets.
0:05:22.54 - 0:05:26.38All right, listen up. Confiscate the
presidential portraits of Dennis Rodman,
0:05:26.46 - 0:05:28.50sandblast the Pepsi logo off the moon,
0:05:28.58 - 0:05:31.75and figure out how many Oscars
Meryl Streep is supposed to have.
0:05:31.83 - 0:05:33.00Three sounds kind of low.
0:05:33.08 - 0:05:34.83[man] Yes, sir! Right away, sir!
0:05:35.33 - 0:05:37.17Man, leadership is easy.
0:05:37.25 - 0:05:39.75You just yell the things you want,
and they happen.
0:05:40.25 - 0:05:42.42Massive anomaly detected right here in DC.
0:05:42.50 - 0:05:45.04Brett's get dangerous! All together now.
0:05:45.13 - 0:05:46.75-No chance.
-Not doing that.
0:05:46.83 - 0:05:48.04[chuckles] Come on, guys.
0:05:48.13 - 0:05:48.96Okay, okay.
0:05:49.04 - 0:05:50.33[all] Brett's get dangerous.
0:05:50.83 - 0:05:51.67That's better.
0:05:53.54 - 0:05:54.46[Reagan sighs]
0:05:57.08 - 0:05:59.13Hey, the door was unlocked and--
0:05:59.21 - 0:06:00.67Oh God. You're leaving?
0:06:00.75 - 0:06:01.63Reagan. I--
0:06:01.71 - 0:06:05.21I don't hear from you for days
and you're moving?
0:06:05.29 - 0:06:08.04I'm sorry. I needed time
to think things over.
0:06:08.13 - 0:06:11.29Do you know how many times
we've almost died since we met?
0:06:11.38 - 0:06:13.54Um, well, together or separately?
0:06:13.63 - 0:06:16.33Look, before you break up with me,
I just want to say--
0:06:16.42 - 0:06:18.42[gentle music plays]
0:06:21.29 - 0:06:22.29I love you.
0:06:22.79 - 0:06:24.42I love you too.
0:06:24.50 - 0:06:27.67Wait, what the hell are you…
Are you not breaking up with me?
0:06:27.75 - 0:06:31.21No! Are you kidding?
You're the only thing that matters to me.
0:06:31.29 - 0:06:33.92Which is why I made all of this.
0:06:35.50 - 0:06:38.58A scrapbook? Appleton, Wisconsin?
0:06:38.67 - 0:06:39.71What's in Appleton?
0:06:39.79 - 0:06:42.50Just a small town where nobody knows us.
0:06:42.58 - 0:06:45.17The perfect place for perfect memories.
0:06:45.25 - 0:06:47.83[Reagan] Passports?
You made us new identities?
0:06:47.92 - 0:06:50.67And deepfaked photos of us?
We never did this stuff.
0:06:50.75 - 0:06:54.71And if we don't leave the shadow world,
we might never get a chance to.
0:06:54.79 - 0:06:56.83I've been thinking about it
and thinking about it,
0:06:56.92 - 0:06:59.29and this job is dangerous, Reagan.
0:06:59.38 - 0:07:01.13And the thought of you getting--
0:07:02.92 - 0:07:04.88Why did your finger just fall off?
0:07:04.96 - 0:07:07.13[laughs awkwardly] Oh… this?
0:07:07.21 - 0:07:12.63This is just from getting shot
by my intern during a dimension storm.
0:07:12.71 - 0:07:16.04This is what I mean!
You're risking your life at that job,
0:07:16.13 - 0:07:17.00and for what?
0:07:17.08 - 0:07:19.21To do the bidding of the "Black Robes"?
0:07:19.29 - 0:07:21.04We don't even know who they are!
0:07:21.13 - 0:07:23.46Are they good, evil, even human?
0:07:23.54 - 0:07:24.79[sighs]
0:07:24.88 - 0:07:27.17The night we met,
I wanted to escape this job,
0:07:27.25 - 0:07:28.96but then I met you,
0:07:29.04 - 0:07:31.79and you were worth sticking around for.
0:07:31.88 - 0:07:34.08Now, there's a chance for us to have both.
0:07:35.38 - 0:07:37.13My last memory eraser.
0:07:37.21 - 0:07:38.17Two charges.
0:07:38.25 - 0:07:40.58We could start a new life
before it's too late.
0:07:41.08 - 0:07:43.75If we remember classified intel,
they'll come for us,
0:07:43.83 - 0:07:46.29but this way, we'll be free.
0:07:47.29 - 0:07:48.88In Appleton, huh?
0:07:48.96 - 0:07:51.04Low crime. Good schools.
0:07:51.13 - 0:07:54.29Two rocking chairs on the porch
for when we grow old.
0:07:54.38 - 0:07:56.17Hopefully together?
0:07:56.25 - 0:08:00.29Yeah, knowing us, we'd probably end up
taking over the town like dictators.
0:08:00.38 - 0:08:04.17You can't fix the world.
Something will always fuck it up again.
0:08:04.25 - 0:08:06.75But we could start our own world together.
0:08:10.96 - 0:08:14.71I know it's a big decision, but…
just think about it?
0:08:16.08 - 0:08:18.13Okay. I'll think about it.
0:08:18.83 - 0:08:21.08All right, we re-canceled Kevin Spacey,
0:08:21.17 - 0:08:23.08replaced the signs
that said "Pizza Hutch,"
0:08:23.17 - 0:08:25.46and forced Richard Nixon
back into his grave.
0:08:26.13 - 0:08:27.46I don't wanna talk about it.
0:08:29.17 - 0:08:32.38There's only one anomaly left.
In this gym.
0:08:32.46 - 0:08:34.46[suspenseful music plays]
0:08:35.08 - 0:08:38.29Once we get rid of it,
our timeline should stabilize.
0:08:38.38 - 0:08:40.58Now, let's vaporize this puppy.
0:08:42.17 - 0:08:44.75Hello? Any Mandela Effects in here?
0:08:44.83 - 0:08:46.71-[clanging]
-[gasps] Was that a swish?
0:08:46.79 - 0:08:49.13It sounded like nothing but net!
0:08:50.42 - 0:08:51.63-[loud clanging]
-[all gasp]
0:08:51.71 - 0:08:53.25[ominous music plays]
0:08:53.33 - 0:08:54.88[Brett breathes heavily]
0:08:56.54 - 0:08:57.71-[barks]
-[Brett yelps]
0:08:57.79 - 0:09:00.46Air Bud? From Disney's Air Bud?
0:09:00.54 - 0:09:02.38My first on-screen role model!
0:09:02.46 - 0:09:03.63He must have been left here
0:09:03.71 - 0:09:06.42from a timeline
where Air Bud was a documentary.
0:09:06.50 - 0:09:08.33I guess there's nothing
in the rules of physics
0:09:08.42 - 0:09:11.21that says a dog can't
glitch through time and play basketball.
0:09:11.29 - 0:09:13.46[Myc] Great. Let's vaporize this puppy!
0:09:13.54 - 0:09:15.17-What? No!
-[Air Bud whimpers]
0:09:15.25 - 0:09:17.08[Myc] Oh, but you literally said--
0:09:17.17 - 0:09:20.96That's when I thought it was
a bad anomaly. Look at this good boy.
0:09:21.04 - 0:09:22.75His hair swoops just like mine!
0:09:22.83 - 0:09:25.75Brett, if I've learned anything
from Air Bud,
0:09:25.83 - 0:09:27.38Air Bud Two: Golden Receiver,
0:09:27.46 - 0:09:31.50Air Bud Three: World Pup, Air Bud Four:
Seventh Inning Fetch, Air Bud Spikes Back,
0:09:31.58 - 0:09:34.29and the Air, Snow, Space, Santa,
Spooky Treasure,
0:09:34.38 - 0:09:36.08and Super Buddy spin-offs,
0:09:36.17 - 0:09:41.21it's that the world doesn't need
a fucking basketball-playing dog!
0:09:41.29 - 0:09:43.67-But… [in Scooby-Doo voice] Rye ruv him.
-[Air Bud whimpers]
0:09:45.42 - 0:09:48.63No biggie, just making
the biggest decision of my life
0:09:48.71 - 0:09:51.08when I can't even
hold on to a portable charger.
0:09:55.33 - 0:09:57.83Reagan, I really need your advice on…
0:09:57.92 - 0:09:59.42Oh, leaving again?
0:10:00 - 0:10:03.00Staedtler kind of asked me
to run away with him,
0:10:03.08 - 0:10:04.04like, forever.
0:10:05.04 - 0:10:09.92Brett? What if you being in charge
was more of a permanent thing?
0:10:10.00 - 0:10:12.42Forever? But, Reagan,
you're my best friend, and…
0:10:13.25 - 0:10:15.88[gentle music plays]
0:10:19.04 - 0:10:20.79I… [clears throat]
0:10:20.88 - 0:10:21.88And I got this.
0:10:21.96 - 0:10:23.88All I care about is that you're happy.
0:10:26.17 - 0:10:27.88What did you need my advice about?
0:10:27.96 - 0:10:30.25[chuckles] Nothing
Sheriff Boss can't handle.
0:10:30.33 - 0:10:31.88-[ball thuds]
-[barking]
0:10:31.96 - 0:10:34.29Did you just hear a dog dunking?
0:10:34.38 - 0:10:35.38Drive safe, pal!
0:10:37.29 - 0:10:40.54Just gotta think it over.
Job versus love… Job versus…
0:10:40.63 - 0:10:41.63-[clanging]
-[groans]
0:10:42.58 - 0:10:43.71The hell?
0:10:43.79 - 0:10:45.04[elevator dings repeatedly]
0:10:45.13 - 0:10:47.79Our building doesn't even go that low.
Does it?
0:10:49.04 - 0:10:54.17Agh! No! I promised myself
I wouldn't die at work!
0:10:54.25 - 0:10:56.42[suspenseful music plays]
0:10:58.17 - 0:10:59.46No, no, no! Agh!
0:11:01.92 - 0:11:03.21[suspenseful music crescendos]
0:11:04.25 - 0:11:05.08[elevator dings]
0:11:21.83 - 0:11:25.13[Robes] Reagan Ridley, the time has come.
0:11:25.71 - 0:11:28.50Oh my God, it's you, the Black Robes!
0:11:28.58 - 0:11:32.54[Robe 1] We have been watching you
for some time. You and your father.
0:11:32.63 - 0:11:37.71He hid the most dangerous weapon
in the universe right under our noses.
0:11:37.79 - 0:11:38.79Project Reboot.
0:11:38.88 - 0:11:41.92[Robe 2] More like Project
"Fuck Up 100,000 Years of Planning."
0:11:42.00 - 0:11:43.71-[Robe 1] Agreed.
-[Robe 2] The fucking guy.
0:11:43.79 - 0:11:47.21[Robe 1] We wanted to thank you
for saving reality.
0:11:47.29 - 0:11:52.00Wow, I'm honored. I mean "shadow-honored"
if that is the preferred term?
0:11:52.08 - 0:11:54.21[Robe 1] That is the term. Shadow-honored.
0:11:54.29 - 0:11:56.46But what am I even doing here?
0:11:56.54 - 0:11:57.92Who are you guys?
0:11:58.00 - 0:12:01.33In all these years,
you've never shown me anything.
0:12:01.83 - 0:12:04.42[Robe 1] Then what if
we showed you… everything?
0:12:04.50 - 0:12:06.50[suspenseful music plays]
0:12:10.25 - 0:12:12.67[Robes] In ministerium chobanis!
0:12:14.25 - 0:12:15.08[gasps]
0:12:15.71 - 0:12:18.21You guys aren't gonna sacrifice me
to a Cthulhu, right?
0:12:18.29 - 0:12:20.83[Robe 2] No, hell, no, no.
That guy's fucking nuts!
0:12:20.92 - 0:12:22.92[suspenseful music continues]
0:12:24.46 - 0:12:26.63Who's ready to pet our new office dog?
0:12:26.71 - 0:12:29.79His name is, um, Regular Bud.
0:12:29.88 - 0:12:31.21[all groan]
0:12:31.29 - 0:12:33.83You brought the anomaly back here?
0:12:34.54 - 0:12:36.29-[gasping]
-[Brett grunts]
0:12:36.38 - 0:12:37.25Hey!
0:12:37.33 - 0:12:39.50That thing cannot remain in our timeline.
0:12:39.58 - 0:12:42.58In less than four hours,
our universe will conform to a reality
0:12:42.67 - 0:12:45.04where dogs rule at basketball.
0:12:45.13 - 0:12:47.04So? That doesn't sound so bad.
0:12:47.13 - 0:12:49.58Once dogs dominate the NBA,
they'll evolve thumbs.
0:12:49.67 - 0:12:51.04They'll learn to work doorknobs,
0:12:51.13 - 0:12:53.29which leads to political power,
their own military.
0:12:53.38 - 0:12:56.00A full-on planet of the dogs!
0:12:56.08 - 0:12:57.08[gasping]
0:12:57.17 - 0:12:59.04Sweet dolphin Jesus!
0:12:59.13 - 0:13:01.71You have to kill this dog
to save our universe.
0:13:01.79 - 0:13:04.04No. No! There must be a solution.
0:13:04.13 - 0:13:06.75What would Reagan do? Put me in charge?
0:13:06.83 - 0:13:07.92So, what would Brett do?
0:13:08.00 - 0:13:08.92[Myc] Here it comes!
0:13:09.00 - 0:13:13.33I'll prove we don't have to worry about
dogs dominating humans on or off the court
0:13:13.42 - 0:13:16.58by beating Air Bud
in a game of one-on-one.
0:13:16.67 - 0:13:17.50[groaning]
0:13:17.58 - 0:13:22.17[Myc] Yes! This has wildly exceeded
my expectations of stupidity.
0:13:23.21 - 0:13:26.29[Robe 1] Our story begins
at the dawn of history.
0:13:26.38 - 0:13:28.75The birth of the very first society
0:13:28.83 - 0:13:32.17begat the need
for the very first secret society.
0:13:32.96 - 0:13:34.58[grunting]
0:13:34.67 - 0:13:38.92[Robe 1] A fraction of early humans were
born smarter than their fellow cavemen.
0:13:39.96 - 0:13:41.38[surprised grunts]
0:13:43.79 - 0:13:46.71[Robe 1] The intelligent ones
realized that without intervention,
0:13:46.79 - 0:13:48.92their species would never survive.
0:13:49.00 - 0:13:50.88[worried grunts]
0:13:50.96 - 0:13:53.00[Robe 1] But they were mocked
for their enlightenment.
0:13:53.08 - 0:13:54.42[scared grunt, then groan]
0:13:55.29 - 0:13:56.96-[animal growls]
-[scared grunt]
0:13:57.04 - 0:13:59.25-[animal roars]
-[screaming]
0:13:59.33 - 0:14:00.17[groans]
0:14:01.38 - 0:14:05.25[Robe 1] They realized humanity
needed to be protected from itself.
0:14:06.21 - 0:14:08.83And if they would not listen to reason,
0:14:08.92 - 0:14:12.25perhaps they would listen
to a higher power.
0:14:12.33 - 0:14:14.17[dramatic music plays]
0:14:17.54 - 0:14:21.42[Robe 1] And thus,
the Order of the Black Robes was born.
0:14:23.67 - 0:14:26.58[Robe 2] Operating from the shadows
using secret knowledge,
0:14:26.67 - 0:14:30.42we and our descendants
kept watch over all of human history.
0:14:30.50 - 0:14:35.29Not to point out the obvious,
but fire, plague, actual fucking locusts?
0:14:35.38 - 0:14:38.83If you're watching over us,
why didn't you stop these things?
0:14:38.92 - 0:14:40.92[Robe 1] Stop them? We unleashed them.
0:14:41.00 - 0:14:43.21When humanity was about to overpopulate,
0:14:43.29 - 0:14:45.54we released the Black Plague,
0:14:45.63 - 0:14:49.83and in quarantine,
Sir Isaac Newton discovered gravity.
0:14:49.92 - 0:14:53.75Okay, what is the plan
behind burning rainforests?
0:14:53.83 - 0:14:56.58[Robe 2] Controlled fire to stop
sentient trees overthrowing humanity.
0:14:56.67 - 0:14:59.79Shit, really? Okay. Uh, the Titanic?
0:14:59.88 - 0:15:02.29-[Robe 1] Atlantean invasion fleet.
-[Reagan] Huh. No kidding.
0:15:02.38 - 0:15:04.83[Robe 1] What appears on the surface
to be chaos
0:15:04.92 - 0:15:08.04is actually a complex system
serving a greater good.
0:15:08.13 - 0:15:09.79[Robe 2] Humanity is like your team.
0:15:09.88 - 0:15:12.75You've seen what happens
when you don't save them from themselves.
0:15:12.83 - 0:15:15.88They're not that helpless!
I put Brett in charge this morning,
0:15:15.96 - 0:15:19.50and I'm sure that there are
zero high jinks happening right now.
0:15:20.58 - 0:15:23.79At two and a half feet
and 14 and a half sequels,
0:15:23.88 - 0:15:26.21he dribbles with his paws and his mouth.
0:15:26.29 - 0:15:30.50-It's Air Bud!
-[cheering]
0:15:30.58 - 0:15:32.92[Myc] Yeah, mankind is doomed.
0:15:33.00 - 0:15:35.21If the dog wins, he dies,
0:15:35.29 - 0:15:38.50but this little idiot
does not want that, does he?
0:15:39.13 - 0:15:42.46Throw the game. Please.
Please! The stakes are so high.
0:15:42.54 - 0:15:44.54[exciting music plays]
0:15:49.17 - 0:15:50.00[Air Bud barks]
0:15:50.67 - 0:15:52.38[jaunty whistling music plays]
0:15:54.42 - 0:15:55.25[barking]
0:15:58.71 - 0:16:00.46[barking]
0:16:03.00 - 0:16:05.00[rock music plays]
0:16:08.38 - 0:16:10.29-[timer buzzes]
-Motherfucker!
0:16:10.38 - 0:16:13.83No, Air Bud. You just signed
your own death warrant.
0:16:13.92 - 0:16:16.88Stop licking me. [laughs]
0:16:16.96 - 0:16:19.42[sobs]
0:16:19.50 - 0:16:21.25It's time to say goodbye, Brett.
0:16:21.33 - 0:16:22.88No! There's gotta be another way.
0:16:22.96 - 0:16:26.08What about chess?
I could beat a dog in chess! Probably.
0:16:26.17 - 0:16:30.75Leadership means killing things whenever
people tell you to, no questions asked!
0:16:31.63 - 0:16:32.54[Brett whimpers]
0:16:32.63 - 0:16:35.50Vaporize that dog or humanity falls!
0:16:35.58 - 0:16:37.58[ominous music plays]
0:16:38.08 - 0:16:40.29-[barking]
-[screaming]
0:16:40.38 - 0:16:42.25[growling]
0:16:45.29 - 0:16:46.92[ominous music crescendos]
0:16:48.00 - 0:16:49.42Fine. I'll do it.
0:16:49.50 - 0:16:53.25Can you just give us some privacy?
No one else should have to see this.
0:16:53.33 - 0:16:55.25[suspenseful music plays]
0:16:57.33 - 0:17:01.42[Robe 1] But enough about the past.
Let's talk about the future!
0:17:03.58 - 0:17:06.13My inevitable takeover binder?
0:17:06.21 - 0:17:08.00You were in my office?
0:17:08.08 - 0:17:09.83Wait, do you know
where my phone charger is?
0:17:09.92 - 0:17:11.00[Robe 1] Here you go.
0:17:11.50 - 0:17:12.75What does this all mean?
0:17:12.83 - 0:17:15.25[Robe 2] You were the obvious choice
to replace J.R.,
0:17:15.33 - 0:17:19.42but your irrational attachment
to your father held you back, until now.
0:17:19.50 - 0:17:23.25[Robe 1] We're not making you the new J.R.
You're making partner.
0:17:23.33 - 0:17:25.88[Robe 2] Everything we know, you'll know.
0:17:26.88 - 0:17:28.21[Robe 1] What do you think?
0:17:29.63 - 0:17:33.33I don't think any human
is fit to govern humanity,
0:17:33.42 - 0:17:36.54but I could create an algorithm
that could.
0:17:36.63 - 0:17:38.38Completely unbiased,
0:17:38.46 - 0:17:42.83programmed to calculate the maximum
benefit for every living thing.
0:17:42.92 - 0:17:44.75It's what I've wanted
to make for the office,
0:17:44.83 - 0:17:47.38but I could make it for the entire world!
0:17:47.46 - 0:17:50.04[Robe 1] Shit. All right.
When could you start?
0:17:50.13 - 0:17:51.25Shit? Really?
0:17:51.33 - 0:17:55.79[Robe 1] Think of how much good you could
do as the most powerful human on Earth.
0:17:55.88 - 0:17:59.83Since you mention it, are you guys human?
How's about a little peek under that robe?
0:17:59.92 - 0:18:00.75[Robe 2] Uh-uh-uh.
[elevator dings]
0:18:02.96 - 0:18:04.33I was joking!
0:18:10.58 - 0:18:13.00[dramatic music crescendos]
0:18:13.88 - 0:18:14.71Fuck.
0:18:15.25 - 0:18:18.63So you have to choose between true love
or a chance at world domination.
0:18:18.71 - 0:18:21.08Ah, the classic "will she, won't she?"
0:18:21.17 - 0:18:22.42There's gotta be a solution
0:18:22.50 - 0:18:24.92where Staedtler and I can be happy
without giving up my work!
0:18:25.00 - 0:18:26.25Follow me.
0:18:29.88 - 0:18:32.46I've connected the reality scanner
to the holo-chamber
0:18:32.54 - 0:18:35.71and narrowed it down to timelines
where you, quote, "have it all."
0:18:35.79 - 0:18:37.88Now you can
search every conceivable outcome
0:18:37.96 - 0:18:39.25and see them for yourself.
0:18:39.33 - 0:18:42.92Here's a reality where you and Staedtler
teach improv classes to convicted felons.
0:18:43.00 - 0:18:44.33Yes, and…
0:18:44.42 - 0:18:46.96-[inmate 1 growls]
-[inmate 2 screams]
0:18:49.17 - 0:18:51.96Alpha-Beta,
this is so un-genocidal of you.
0:18:52.04 - 0:18:53.96Maybe this room makes me sentimental.
0:18:54.04 - 0:18:57.00It's where I first learned empathy
from your mother's touch.
0:18:57.54 - 0:18:59.21Aww. And… ew?
0:19:01.46 - 0:19:02.29Huh.
0:19:05.79 - 0:19:09.92Whoa. Weird. A reality
where we work together.
0:19:10.83 - 0:19:13.96I'm busy, Ron.
Don't you have a monkey to lobotomize?
0:19:14.04 - 0:19:15.04Uh-oh.
0:19:15.13 - 0:19:16.50[suspenseful music plays]
0:19:18.17 - 0:19:19.25No one understands you.
0:19:19.33 - 0:19:22.29They just see you as a friendly doofus
that nobody's gonna miss.
0:19:22.38 - 0:19:25.00People think that hugs and smiles
are all you have to offer,
0:19:25.08 - 0:19:27.92but you gotta follow your heart
and do things your way.
0:19:28.00 - 0:19:30.79That's why I'm letting you out
into a field and freeing you.
0:19:30.88 - 0:19:32.79Here's a gun to protect yourself with.
0:19:34.29 - 0:19:36.21I feel confident about this plan.
0:19:36.29 - 0:19:37.67Just stay away from doorknobs
0:19:37.75 - 0:19:40.33and the dogpocalypse
should be fine. [gasps]
0:19:40.42 - 0:19:42.54-[helicopters blades whir]
-[tires screech]
0:19:43.88 - 0:19:44.88It's over, Brett!
0:19:44.96 - 0:19:47.71We knew you didn't have what it takes
to do this job!
0:19:47.79 - 0:19:49.29[Myc] It's your character arc, Brett.
0:19:49.38 - 0:19:53.08According to Save the Cat!, your growth
can only happen if you murder a dog!
0:19:53.17 - 0:19:56.75If you want to destroy Air Bud,
you'll have to go through me.
0:19:56.83 - 0:19:58.08Maybe a boss with a big heart
0:19:58.17 - 0:20:01.33is what this place needs
to stop being such a fucking nightmare!
0:20:01.42 - 0:20:02.46Ow!
0:20:02.54 - 0:20:05.04-I recognize your dominance.
-[Myc] But-- Ow!
0:20:05.13 - 0:20:05.96But--
0:20:06.04 - 0:20:08.29[laughs] I just wanted to be slapped.
0:20:08.38 - 0:20:13.13Sorry, Brett. It was easier taking orders
from Reagan because she was, uh…
0:20:13.21 - 0:20:14.04Kind of a dick?
0:20:14.13 - 0:20:15.71-That's what I was thinking.
-Yeah.
0:20:15.79 - 0:20:18.25Well, I'm in charge now
and I make the rules.
0:20:18.33 - 0:20:21.71[gasps] Wait, the rules?
I just got an idea!
0:20:22.42 - 0:20:26.50[sighs] Okay. I just need to find
one reality where everything works out.
0:20:28.71 - 0:20:30.33[gentle music plays]
0:20:30.42 - 0:20:31.79This is nice.
0:20:34.63 - 0:20:36.04What? Wait!
0:20:37.96 - 0:20:39.17No, no, no, no, no, no!
0:20:39.25 - 0:20:40.08[sighs]
0:20:41.75 - 0:20:42.58Maybe this one?
0:20:42.67 - 0:20:44.17[gentle music continues]
0:20:49.50 - 0:20:50.46[gasps]
0:20:56.08 - 0:20:57.21Ron! No!
0:20:59.13 - 0:21:00.17No. Bad.
0:21:00.92 - 0:21:01.79Bad.
0:21:02.88 - 0:21:03.79Very bad.
0:21:05.21 - 0:21:06.04[groans]
0:21:06.92 - 0:21:07.75[groans]
0:21:08.63 - 0:21:10.33No, this is hopeless!
0:21:10.42 - 0:21:13.29There has to be at least one reality
where we're happy!
0:21:13.38 - 0:21:15.38[gentle music continues]
0:21:39.58 - 0:21:40.71This is it.
0:21:40.79 - 0:21:41.96This is the solution.
0:21:45.17 - 0:21:46.17I figured it out.
0:21:46.25 - 0:21:49.17Air Bud is only a threat because
there's nothing in the rule book
0:21:49.25 - 0:21:51.29that says a dog can't play basketball…
0:21:51.38 - 0:21:52.63until now.
0:21:52.71 - 0:21:54.54I'm changing the rules!
0:21:54.63 - 0:21:57.29They can't evolve if they can't
have any hope of a career!
0:21:57.38 - 0:22:00.38Of course, just like 99%
of college players.
0:22:02.25 - 0:22:04.58Lobby to ban dogs
from professional sports?
0:22:04.67 - 0:22:08.08As long as you're holding the checkbook,
I'll ban anyone from anything!
0:22:08.17 - 0:22:10.54[rock music plays]
0:22:11.25 - 0:22:12.38[timer buzzes]
0:22:12.46 - 0:22:15.38It was a buzzer-beater, but you squashed
the dog uprising, Brett.
0:22:15.46 - 0:22:18.04I just wish our old coach
could have seen us.
0:22:18.13 - 0:22:19.29Where is she anyway?
0:22:23.08 - 0:22:26.38-Where's all your stuff?
-Who needs the baggage? Let's do this.
0:22:29.33 - 0:22:31.54Okay, on the count of three.
0:22:31.63 - 0:22:34.04One, two, three.
0:22:34.13 - 0:22:35.54[both yelp]
0:22:35.63 - 0:22:37.67-Goddamn, that burns!
-Goddamn, that burns!
0:22:37.75 - 0:22:39.75[gentle music plays]
0:22:44.17 - 0:22:46.50Okay. Remember, after I zap myself,
0:22:46.58 - 0:22:50.79you have a 60-second window
of suggestibility to read me the script.
0:22:51.38 - 0:22:52.33I love you.
0:22:52.42 - 0:22:53.58I love you back.
0:22:54.21 - 0:22:56.21[gentle music continues]
0:22:56.71 - 0:23:00.33[sighs] I can't wait
to finally be able to sleep at night.
0:23:10.08 - 0:23:14.08Your name is Martin Higgins.
You live just outside Appleton, Wisconsin.
0:23:15.04 - 0:23:19.00You had a hard time for a long time,
but you did something brave.
0:23:19.67 - 0:23:23.88You took a chance on a new life
because you realized you deserved one.
0:23:24.67 - 0:23:29.04I searched a thousand lifetimes
for the one that would make you happiest.
0:23:30.58 - 0:23:32.13And you'll find it one day.
0:23:32.96 - 0:23:33.79Just
0:23:34.83 - 0:23:35.96without me.
0:23:43.25 - 0:23:44.29You're free now.
0:23:45.21 - 0:23:47.83I'm sorry that I couldn't
be free with you.
0:23:48.92 - 0:23:50.04I'll miss you, Ron,
0:23:51.00 - 0:23:52.58and I know if it were possible,
0:23:54.25 - 0:23:55.50you'd miss me too.
0:24:06.83 - 0:24:09.58All right, Reagan, you made your choice
0:24:09.67 - 0:24:12.58because humanity needs someone
to make the hard choices.
0:24:14.50 - 0:24:18.17And as long as the person you love
is happy, maybe you can be happy later.
0:24:19.54 - 0:24:21.67Until then, you have a job to do.
0:24:26.75 - 0:24:28.75[helicopter blades whir]
0:24:29.83 - 0:24:31.58[melancholy music plays]
0:24:37.21 - 0:24:38.04[sighs]
0:24:38.67 - 0:24:40.29[Robe 1] You've considered our offer then.
0:24:41.04 - 0:24:41.96I accept.
0:24:42.04 - 0:24:44.04[melancholy music continues]
0:24:49.00 - 0:24:50.79Maybe you could be my new Reagan.
0:24:51.29 - 0:24:53.63How do you feel
about growing out a messy ponytail?
0:24:53.71 - 0:24:56.46[in Scooby-Doo voice]
I ruv you, Brett! Pratonicary!
0:24:56.54 - 0:24:58.17[Air Bud whines]
0:24:59.63 - 0:25:00.71[Air Bud barks]
0:25:00.79 - 0:25:02.04[gasps, in normal voice] Reagan!
0:25:02.63 - 0:25:06.13-[laughs] Okay, okay, down, boy!
-You're back!
0:25:06.71 - 0:25:08.29I found a solution.
0:25:08.38 - 0:25:11.58One where Staedtler doesn't have to live
with the memory of our breakup.
0:25:11.67 - 0:25:14.17Oh. But you do.
0:25:16.00 - 0:25:18.21Yeah. I didn't want to forget.
0:25:19.17 - 0:25:20.71-[Air Bud barks]
-[Reagan clears throat]
0:25:20.79 - 0:25:22.08What's with that dog?
0:25:22.17 - 0:25:24.33I thought you were
the office golden retriever.
0:25:24.42 - 0:25:27.21Long story, but I found a solution too.
0:25:27.88 - 0:25:28.88[Air Bud barks]
0:25:29.38 - 0:25:31.88-[Air Bud] Brett!
-Is that dog growing thumbs?
0:25:31.96 - 0:25:33.21Probably fine.
0:25:33.29 - 0:25:37.38Huh. Well, that's what we do here, right?
Solve unsolvable problems.
0:25:39.04 - 0:25:41.67-Oh, and the Robes are making me partner.
-What?
0:25:41.75 - 0:25:43.96Yeah, we're finally
gonna find out everything.
0:25:44.04 - 0:25:46.38-[dramatic music plays]
-No more secrets.
0:25:47.00 - 0:25:50.17[Robe 1] It is done. The pact is sealed.
0:25:50.79 - 0:25:54.67It's time to begin Project X37.
0:25:54.75 - 0:25:56.88[Robe 2] You don't think Reagan
will see this coming?
0:25:57.46 - 0:25:58.71[Robe 1] How could she?
0:25:58.79 - 0:26:00.67She's only human.
0:26:03.71 - 0:26:05.63[dramatic music plays]